Itchy Feet Syndrome

I'm stuck.

Between wanting to stay in one place and feeling settled and wanting to travel and do new exciting projects!

I want both lives. I want to be able to run projects all over the world with different communities and cultures and people. But I also want to be able to earn enough money to pay off my student debts and come home to my puppy and a consistent home every night.

Is it possible to do both of these things?

This whole Itchy Feet thing started when my brother came home for his Rayleigh expedition. He's been trekking, installing water pipes and saving baby turtles. His excitement and enthusiasm for telling me about his time in Costa Rica has made me remember how excited and full of plans and ideas I was after my first visit to Togo. It's reminded me and stirred something up inside of me... I want to do more.

Yes I need to think about money and my career plans for the next 10 years. But surely I also have to start thinking about the kind of Career that will be. I don't want to be a teacher in schools for the rest of my life, or manage other people who don't want to be either. I want to freelance and run projects when and if they come about, when they are needed by those communities. But I also want to be able to go to the UK without receiving statements for overdrafts and credit cards.

Any ideas on how to proceed would be most welcome... And are actually very much needed... I can't make decisions or rely on my own itchy feet feelings. I need sensible advice.

Radio Action - The Project

Day One: We play lots of games that involve people getting to know each other and start everyone talking about issues inside the favela. (for you drama guys- we did a check-in with images, played sun shines on, agree/disagree/not sure, made a group contract and creating images based on the word community.) We only have four participants. But they are amazing and full of energy and ideas about what the radio play should be about. We have Josias- (40s?) amazing guy and ex-leader for the community, he has been to some amazing places and done some amazing things, mostly based on his playing basketball in the paralympics. He has to use crutches to walk and talks with passion in his eyes about the place where he lives and sadness when we discuss more negative issues about it. Zarú- (late 30s?) the fun loving joker guy, who although does not live in the favela now- still feels connected to the community. I learn later in the project that he left because of issues with his friends being involved in drugs and involving him without his knowledge. Marlon- (21) Was born and raised in favela and still lives there, he is also involved in many other projects with BemTV, including films and art projects. He really wants to make a difference in his community and tells us to that you have to start with yourself. He seems old beyond his years which both saddens and impresses me. Cybelle- (16) Does not live in the favela but visits it often when visiting Marlon, her boyfriend. She lives in another favela near by, which although is a favela, unlike the others in Niteroi and Rio is not affected by drug trafficing, so is not as violent and dangerous to live in. After the session i feel positive- the group is amazing, small, but amazing. Already they have begun to plan what issues they might talk about in the play including, drugs trafficing, teenage pregnancy, violence and what community actually means. Not only that but they have already started talking about what future plays might be based on- and how they could do one play per month. The only problem we may have is that they don't stop talking, we must find away to harness their enthusiasm for the topic into a dramatic form. Day Two: We begin on day two to look at the issues in the favela in more depth, we check-in using images again and this time a sound (gradually introducing more and more sound based activities). We walk around the space and say good morning to each other in as many different ways as we can think of (introducing ideas of characters and status). We use images to illustrate how each person feels now and how they want to feel by the end of the day, we then use the same exercise to talk about the community we live in, making images (individually) about how we feel about our community and how we would like to feel, then moving into exercises using movement to combine the images and get from the one now to the utopian image. The images the group make are very revealing, and even without Virginia's translation i can understand what each participant is trying to convey as they move their bodies to show how they feel. Josias uses his crutches as an extension of his body during the image exercises, closing them and opening them to keep out and welcome parts of his community. We make images with the whole group and ask them to make three different images one for each issue they would like to raise about the favela. They decide on - health care - teenage pregnancy - and gun related crime. We take these issues into the next exercise. Where we play the clap game. Two people debating an issue take one side of the debate each- defending their side, when someone claps they have to switch sides and opinion whilst still trying to win the argument. The group enjoy this game and say they would really like to dramatically interveiw politicians and people from their community in a similar exercise. I begin to struggle with the translation of what the group are saying. In more image based exercises i need less translation- whereas in purely spoken forms i want to know everything they say, but there is not enough time- especially as we then have to transalte back what i want to say in regards to the point, by which time it is irrelevent as the group has moved on. Day Three: We check in with just a sound today, trying to move past an image based approach ready for radio. We then move round the space as different characters - celebrities (Marlon doing a hilarious Michael Jackson) - kids - old people - a drunk and a politician. The exercise turns into a mini improvisation scene, where as politicians we are all trying to get the others to vote for us- telling each other why. I decide to stir up the group by entering and saying that i am the best for the community because i am from outside and can see all the problems with a new eye. they really enter into the improv. I bribe two other politicians to be on my side- there is up-roar from the others! When it gets to out of control i take myself out, saying that this their community, they should deal with it themselves. My actions have the desired outcome and they begin to discuss how other people come in and out of the community telling everyone what they think is best then leaving. We play with a prepared props box- inside are a book, key, babies shoes, an umbrella, bread, balloons. The group have to create scenes between each other using the props. In the most interesting scene the umbrella becomes a gun in the hands of a policeman trying to arrest a rapist, who is confronted by a community member for abusing his position as a policemen. The group are really beginning to express themselves not just vocally but also through the use of character! I could jump for joy, all we have to do now is combine the characters and issues and we have a play. (I say all we have to do...) We play the letter game. A letter is delivered by someone with low status to a character of high status who has to portray a certain emotion. Zarú makes us laugh by choosing 'flirty' as his emotion when Marlon delivers the letter. The most interesting point is when Josias and Cybelle create a scene between an angry man and a delivery girl who is unable to read. he says 'i cannot be angry at you for not being able to read, it is not your fault, it is the fault of your background'..... The group create a charcater for each of themselves. A drug addict, a drunk driver, someone in love and rejected and Josias makes the boldest move in playing himself. After DAY THREE, we begin to write the script for the play. I say script, its more of a descripton of the scenes. In writing the script i have Ksenija (my dramaturgy and lit. man lecturer) in one ear and in the other my new applied theatre training. I try to use as much of the characters and the story line ideas the group came up with as possible. I find it difficult, and doubt whether even after working together for a week i have enough knowledge about the place where they live and what it is like to live there. Do i have the right to write this play i question. So i write a non-verbal version, detailing what happens in each scene and not how it happens or what exactly is said. Day Four I am nervous. I am scared that the group will read my version of their characters and storyline and suddenly see that i don't understand what they have told me and that i am just another Gringo who thinks they can come here and 'do some good for poor favela people'. After waring up and creating soundscapes (attempting to try and get the group to think about sound rather than picture) we read them the script so far to begin a process drama with the script. They go silent during the reading of the script. I'm thinking that the story of a teenage girl pregant with the baby of a drug dealer from a rival community is too stereotypical. I'm thinking that the charcater of the drunk clown type man is unbelievable and they don't like it at all. When we finish reading they talk about how true the characters are how the story is so similar to many girls in the community and Cybelle tells us about a drunk man she saw once in the street who was just like the drunk character in the play. I am pleased, but the only thing we can take credit for is the fact that we effectively translated what they wanted to say and who they wanted to say it through from Portugese to english and back again. Day Five: We rehearse in the favela. Day five seems really long to me. It is longer than the other days- rehearsals always are. However, now we are rehearsing the script for radio and there is no movement. So it is hard for me to understand and i can't ask Virginia to translate for me every word. I have a copy of the play in English, plus i wrote it! But even though i know which scene we are rehearsing i have no idea exactly what they are saying, so cannot help in any direction of the actors. I feel lost and am glad when Virginia smiles and wiggles her eyebrows (which means they are doing well) but at the same time i feel useless. Did i really need to be here? I wonder if Virginia could have completed this project alone. I am here as a dramaturg/ literary manger, but this role is hard to fulfill when the language barrier is firmly in place. On day six we will perform the play on two radio stations within the favela, but just before the end of rehearsals a bombshell. They decide they want to change the script. They want to explore the issue of girls who come back from other favelas with their heads shaved to embaress them and make people know that they were in other favelas with boys who are not from their own community. They say that this is what would have happened to the girl in our story. I am not precious of the script, afterall i am not a playwright ;-) however, what intrigues me is that this is the first time they have brought up this idea, having formed the story and seen the script for more time than just today. I am worried that they are wanting to produce a perfect play to the radio, which is not our aim. Our aim is for the play to create discussion. I feel that by making the story how they want it- we are therefore centering the whole play on this issue- rather than the others the wanted to discuss too. However, it is their play and it is what they want to discuss about their community. We go home to re-write the play before performing it tomorrow afternoon, live.

Radio Action - Visiting the Favela

It sits on top of the hill like an old fort with cement walls. I'm not sure if this wall is to keep people out or to keep people in. There aren't many roads into the favela, only two that i've seen and a small stairway. Plus if you blink you might miss them as they curve up sharply so you can actually only see the first two buildings inside them. As i walk up the steep incline i think two things- firstly why the hell am i going somewhere that people obviously don't want me to go and secondly everyone who lives here must be soooo fit! Both of my assumptions about Morro do Estado are incorrect. We are going to visit the Radio station we will be working with, which sits on the highest point of the favela. As we walk there we stop and talk to people, we tell them about the project and they tell us why or why not they can/can't attend. Some work, some have children, some "don not have a desire to mix with these kinds of people" (!!!) i nearly say 'these people are your neighbours and they consider you to be one of them' - but he is already far down the road as we walk away and Virginia begins to translate what he said. We talk to many people who are shocked and intrigued by the project - "we get to say what WE think?" they ask. When we arrive the Radio station is closed, but we talk to more people and we meet at least 4 who say they will come. On the way back through the favela I'm reminded of what Virginia has said to me previously. UNICEF commented that in Rio and Niteroi you can judge a neighbourhood on the dogs they have there. here, in Morro do Estado the dogs are skinny, flea bitten, half starved mongrels who walk slowly in the heat with no energy. Where we are returning, Icarai, Virginia's mother's house, the nieghbourhood dogs are Pugs and Poodles and Spaniels and other little things that in the UK would be called handbag dogs, wearing coats and little shoes to protect their feet from the pavements when they get too hot. Rio and Niteroi are extremely diverse, infact Brazil prides itself on this fact, but for the first time i really start to wander what the price of this diversity is?

Radio Action - Things I should have packed

1) Marmite (to keep the mosquitos away)

2) My mosquito machine (to keep the mosquitos away)

3) An umbrella (for those pesky downpours)

4) Brown hair dye (although my hair would probably still be going white anyways)

5) An eyebrow pencil (i am losing my eyebrows to the sun)

6) Fake tan (i get stared at at the beach)

7) A bikini that is two sizes to small in the bottom section (seriously- they wear them like thongs here)

8) More than two pairs of flip flops

9) Short shorts (My long shorts and linen trousers just aren't cutting it)

10) A hand held fan (although making me stand out at a gringo at this point my hair does that anyways!)

11) A surf board! (totally gunna have lessons next week dude!)

Radio Action - Jesus's Ass

Went on an amazing walk up past Corcovado (where Cristo Redentor sits watching the city), which meant that we had a view of what some may say is Jesus's best asset! Had the best shower ever that sprang out of the side of the hill, nearly lost my bikini bottoms, whilst getting the full massage effect of the water. Eeek! Then headed to praia de Ipanema for lunch, ice cream and a nap on the beach-whilst slyly watching the yummy guys playing volleyball. mmm mmm mmm. Have discovered that getting mango ice cream is the best option because it means i don't have to share with Virginia, as she doesn't like Mango. hehe! After showering and making ourselves look beautiful i receive a little talk from Virginia's firend about favellas. He is really worried about me going there, because i look so much like a ´gringo' it would be better if you were darker and had brown hair and your blue eyes give you away he tells me, he's very sweet and explains to me that although most people in favellas are nice, friendly, hardworking people. There are also those who are not, and are violent and scary and i have to be really careful. I was really touched by his honesty and the worry he had for me and although i've been prepared to work inside the favellas, i do have to admit i am a little scared now....

Radio Action - Flying

So... its starting to sink in that i´m actually on my way to Rio, sorry i mean Niteroi. I am sat here trying to avoid eye contact with a strange man who keeps asking me to translate what the board is saying, even though it flashes in English every 30 seconds. Still at least here my French language skills are put to use, because i actually will not be able to communicate once i arrive in Brazil. Unless there are small children or dogs. On the plane i am sat in E56 the last but one row from the back in the tail section. Behind me is the in-flight security man, I feel safe that he is there and imagine him as a Sayid in Lost type character who would look after me if we end up on an island for years and years. Then i realise i am thinking about Lost while on a massive plane sat in the tail section and try to think of something else, quickly. There are two spare seats between myself and a French guy in a Barcalona FC shirt, i think he is Spanish to start (because of the shirt) and just smile. Then he introduces himself in french and we agree that he will use the two spare seats to sleep on for the first five hours while i will use them for the rest. His English is worse than my French so we try to make an attempt at conversation.I think he plays table tennis and is going to Rio for a match, but he could also play tennis, baddminton or something else that involves the action of a racket??? Three hours into the flight we hit turbulance. Four hours later, we can still not leave our seats and i am feeling extemely ill. I contemplate running to the toilet when i think i will be sick, then someone else trys to leave their seat and basically gets screamed at when they stand up. I contemplate a Maddy Egan catholic show of affection towards God asking him not let the plane crash, my thoughts of Lost re-surfacing, then remember that I don´t believe in God. So i grip the chair and concentrate on my breathing. As the plane hits the tarmac in Rio it is still dark. We sweep around the airport to our final stop. As we slow down next to the airport building the sun rises and i see Rio for the first time. Dark hills rising from nowhere covered in tiny little red brick buildings built one and top of another. It is hot. 25c and only 5.45am. I think by tonight i will look like red tomato with white fluff for hair and no eyebrows.